I recently had a tense conversation with someone I love deeply. It wasn’t a conversation I had planned, a “we need to talk” type of conversation where I had thought out my talking points of what I wanted to say. It came out of nowhere and frankly, I was not ready for it.
It was about an issue where faith and culture collide, we do not agree. It is a sensitive, divisive topic, one we will never meet in the middle about, at best, it is an “agree to disagree” topic. This is the type of conversation I have avoided having or been the peacemaker to for many years, particularly with this person I love very much.
The comment was made and I took a breath. I could feel my heart pounding as my brain tried to catch up to what had been said.
Surely, this person did not mean to say this, not to me. They should know where I stand on this issue, bringing this up would not end well and they know this. Why did they say this? What do I say back? My mind was racing.
It quickly became clear to me. I had two choices. I could either speak up and risk ruining this otherwise great night we had been having together, or I could stay silent and keep the peace. The second option was the easy one, the polite one. The first option, standing up for my faith, would cost me something. Something dear.
I chose option one.
We went back and forth on the issue. The discussion got a little heated. I could feel my heart rate climbing, my hands shaking slightly as I got my phone out to find and read scripture aloud to help anchor my point. In the rise of emotions I felt unable to articulate exactly what I was trying to say, my dear loved one buckling down, driving their point home with an analogy I couldn’t quite pick apart in the moment. Trust me, I have thought a lot about the analogy since then. Eventually, I requested (demanded?) we “table the conversation”, delaying it to another time, as it was rising to a point where I was concerned we wouldn’t be able to recover from.
Since then, I have thought a lot about these moments. What I said, what I didn’t say, what I wish I had said. It is hard to feel like you “lost” an argument or were unable to articulate your point. Truthfully, I felt shame for not being able to present a “better”, more convincing case. I felt hurt because this person I love so much had thrown what felt like a grenade into our evening, an evening that had been designed to help strengthen our bond, not blow it up. Even though there have been negative feelings about what happened, there is one part I don’t regret.
I don’t regret choosing option one.
In Matthew 10:34-39, Jesus tells us directly that being His followers will come at a cost to us on a personal and relational level. Discipleship will separate us from unbelievers, even those we love like family or close friends.
“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”
We often think of Jesus as our loving Savior (He is!) and of how being faithful unifies us with Him. Being a follower of Jesus makes us think of love and togetherness, goodness. However, by following Jesus’ teachings, we should have a faith that makes us live differently from the people around us. We should stand out from our non Christian friends in a “trying to be like Jesus” way. Jesus said very radical, difficult things that are counter cultural. The world tells us to always look after #1, ourselves. Jesus tells us to put others before ourselves (Luke 6:27-36). The type of life we live when we are followers of Christ will put a space between us and people we love who do not believe in Him.
Often when we share our faith with others and they don’t have an interest in the gospel or perhaps even worse, have a hostility towards it, we can take their reaction personally. Being a disciple often means being rejected. This is a difficult feeling for me, one I do not enjoy very much. Rejection hurts my feelings! In a hard season of feeling left out by friends because of my faith, our preacher reminded me of a few things I hold close in my mind and heart when I am hurting. First, they are not rejecting you, they are rejecting Jesus. Two, if there were people who saw His miracles, with their very own eyes and still chose not to follow Him, how can I NOT expect people 2,000 years later to turn away from the words of the Bible?
“If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. But all these things they will do to you on account of my name, because they do not know him who sent me. If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not have been guilty of sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin. Whoever hates me hates my Father also. If I had not done among them the works that no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin, but now they have seen and hated both me and my Father. But the word that is written in their Law must be fulfilled: ‘They hated me without a cause.’- John 15:18-25 ESV
Here, Jesus is very clear that He was hated by the majority of the people He preached to and if we are telling others about Him, we will likely be hated too. Being left out, mocked, spoken down to, persecuted, etc. are all things we should expect to happen to us as active disciples of Jesus. If these things are not happening to us, I would like to (gently) suggest we need to examine our hearts and our actions. Are we taking every opportunity presented to us and using it wisely to point people to Jesus? I am thankful to say I took this one and sad to say I have let many pass me by due to lack of confidence or fear of what would happen if I spoke up. We need to prepare and practice sharing the gospel with others. It is the only way to become more seasoned in doing it and learn how to have engaging conversations with lost souls.
Finally, we need to remember the words of God, the words of the Bible are enough. They are enough to “prove” our point, they are enough to show the love and character of Jesus, and they are enough to open hearts and change lives. Part of our job as followers is to make sure people hear these words. If they don’t hear them from us, who will they hear them from?
“For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12-13 ESV
The word of God is a tool for those faithful to Him and will also be used to judge those who do not believe in Him. We have this tool and we need to share it with those around us- every single time we can! I can guarantee you there will be times it will feel hard, uncomfortable, awkward even. It may also come at a cost- a friendship, a romantic relationship, a family member may walk out of our lives because our faith does not allow us to agree with their point of view. The apostles paid for their faith with their lives- living a life following Jesus will cost us something too. Our reward in heaven though is worth so much more than any suffering we may experience here on earth. We can’t focus on what we may be “losing” if a conversation separates us from someone we care about. We have to focus on the importance of sharing Jesus with a lost soul. He can redeem all things!
This conversation with my loved one was a reminder to me that speaking up about my faith will sometimes hurt. It will put me at odds with people, difficult conversations may arise. I will be left out or talked negatively about. When those times happen, it doesn’t mean I am doing anything wrong. It actually means I am doing something right, I am encountering what Jesus did as He preached. I am being Christ-like and experiencing life the way He did. What a blessing!
In talking about Jesus, we may find some people who are willing to learn more about Him. It is also likely we will encounter many more who have no interest in knowing Him. Whether we encounter those who are interested or they choose to walk away from us and Him, we have to keep going. We have to keep sharing the gospel, the good news of Jesus.
